| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| This site is dedicated to the creative power within each of us to speak a positive and joy-filled life and world into existence by our impeccable words. |
|
| Copyright Info: All Materials on this or any page Joyfulltimes is copyrighted and may not be reproduced without permission of the author and full disclosure of author and Joyfulltimes.com as source. |
| Journal For Chofetz Chaim: A Lesson A Day by Tam Zelig The book Chofetz Chaim: A Lesson A Day by Rabbi Shimon Finkelman and Rabbi Yitzchak Berkowitz. The subtitle for this book gives a clear indication of what it is about: The Concepts and Laws Of Proper Speech Arranged For Daily Study. As I go through the book, I will generally disregard areas dealing with benefits and requirements that are related to Torah study or religious dogma that may be inappropriate for a general audience. What I would also make clear were I teaching this is that these concepts, although introduced by a Rabbi especially for the study of Jews, are universal. I would challenge anyone from any other mainstream, and probably any stream, religion to show mw how these beliefs would contradict theirs. The bottom line is that this is not about religion, but it is about spirituality at the soul level. And even for atheists and humanists who may not agree with the above terms, it is about relationships between I and Thou. So with that disclaimer, I shall begin. Rabbi Israel Meir HaCohen Kagan is commonly known as the "Chofetz Chaim," the name of his famous work on guarding one's tongue. Born in Zhetel, Poland on February 6, 1838, he was taught until age 10 by his parents and then moved to Vilna to further his Jewish studies. Refusing the pulpit rabbinate, the Chofetz Chaim settled in Radin (Poland) and subsisted on a small grocery store which his wife managed and he did the "bookkeeping"-watching every penny to make sure that no one was cheated. He spent his days learning Torah and disseminating his knowledge to the educated and uneducated alike. As his reputation grew, students from all over Europe flocked to him and by 1869 his house became known as the Radin school. In addition to his school, the Chofetz Chaim was very active in Jewish causes. He traveled extensively (even in his 90s!) to encourage the observance of good deeds amongst Jews. He was very involved in Jewish affairs and helped many schools survive the financial problems of the interwar period. Exemplifying the verses in Psalms 34:13-14, "Who is the man who desires life...? Guard your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit," the Chofetz Chaim passed away in 1933 at the ripe age of 95. There are many stories told of his compassion and humility, his son writes: A Jews obligations toward his fellow was forever on my father’s mind, both in important and seemingly insignificant matters. I recall as a child, I would look on as my father made his way among the minyan [those in attendance at synagogue] to find every poor person a place to eat….Every embittered soul would come to my father to pour out his troubles; my father always felt the person’s pain and sought to help however possible, whether with money, advice or moral support and encouragement. All this was done in the way of peace without fanfare (Finkelman 428). He lived everything he taught. He was a prolific speaker, and never could anyone recall hearing him speak anything bad of another. It is also told that he left this world feeling as though he had accomplished so little since he firmly believed that the messiah would come only after his people had each learned to follow the laws of proper speech. He strove unceasingly in his 95 years to change the habits of the tongue among his people, but saw little fruit of it. I understand this frustration, although can in no way claim to be an example of perfect speech, I believe as the Chofetz Chaim did, and as Martin Buber, knowingly or unknowingly did by teaching in the same spirit, that the age of peace will not come until we treat everyone with both word and deed as our equal. Here then are the laws. Shmiras Ha loshon translates as guarding the tongue which is how the Chofetz Chaim referred to his laws of speech. These laws were designed to show how people should and could live with each other. As with any law of Judaism, these are gleaned from either obvious or extrapolated references in Torah. So Chofetz Chaim not only sets down these interpretations, but he gives practical directives towards that end – directives that not only improves the life of others by following them, but the speaker’s life as well. According to Talmud: What more is there to say about this sin (loshon hora) [evil tongue] which is the severest of all sins? Man’s ultimate task is not to sin with his mouth. The sages say that one’s good deeds and Torah knowledge cannot offset the damage that one does with speech….Just as the learning of Torah equals all other mitzvot [good deeds] combined, so does speaking loshon hora equal all sins combined (Yerushalmi Peah 1:1). In the introduction to the writings of Chofetz Chaim, the editors give an overview of the function and power of words. Their division involves the word’s ability to move worlds, record deeds, affect others, reveal ourselves to others and to ourselves, and teach. In the first category we should understand that it was words that were used to create heaven and earth, and it is by our speech abilities that we are also able to create. Kabbalah, very clearly indicates that we create our world on a daily basis for both good and evil by our words. “Words of loshon hora do more harm on a grander scale than the average person can readily perceive” ( Finkelman xxxi). It is taught that the destruction of the Second Temple and the expulsion of Jews from Israel was brought about by baseless hatred, a form of loshon hora. As deed recorder, we are taught that each time we speak against another, those words are recorded and will be used against us in the final judgement. Additionally by those words, we actually create the judges who will judge us. “Because he has created a prosecution against another Jew, he too is prosecuted. And because he judged another harshly, he too is subject to harsh judgement. Thus every time a Jew casually passes judgement on another Jew [read person for Jew] – once, twice, 20 times a day – he takes the fateful step of summoning himself to court to be judged for his deeds” (xxix). Looking at this from a non-religious point of view, the principle involved is the psychology of transference. Most of the time when we criticize others, we are actually seeing a part of our self that we are uncomfortable with and eventually, on a karmic level this could involve several lifetimes, we must face this in ourselves. The other side of this coin is how our words, our criticisms affect others. “The self-image is a malleable entity. People pick up clues as to their own worth through the way others treat them” (xxxv). If we could understand that when others criticize us, it is really themselves that they are unhappy with, it would be easier to let those words roll off. But most of us are still too sensitive to see that. On the positive side, a kind word at the right time can create within others a world of hope and freedom hitherto unknown by them. Our words make us gods to create or destroy on many levels. “Shmiras Ha Loshon is the prism through which we can see the validity in the various paths and opinions among well-meaning people” (xxxvi). As teacher our words can create angels or demons of our children. We can create a world of anger, frustration and insecurity for them or create a world of joy, goodness and peace. Loshon hora reflects the belief that everyone and everything should conform to one’s own standard. “It is the egocentric need to assert the superiority of one’s own way of doing things, which is, at it’s heart, a denial of the uniqueness of every human being.” Our desire to feel important often must be by putting others down rather than raising ourselves up. There is a story told in Kaballa that in front of every human being there is a troop of angels whose only job is to proclaim, “Make way for the image of God.” If we really believed that about ourselves and others we would understand that everytime we criticize our fellow human beings we are really criticizing God. The editors now give us four forms of loshon hora. The first is itself called loshon hora and involves derogatory speech to a third party about a second party. The second is called rechillus or peddling and it causes animosity between people by going to the second party and telling them what was said about them. The third form is motzi shem ra or slander which is telling something that is false about another party. The fourth form is called onaas devarim or causing pain with words. This pain is just as real as physical or financial abuse and often reflects a lack of sensitivity in the speaker. Other forms of prohibited speech include anger, arrogance, deceit, lying, and false flattery. Occasionally flattery itself could be prohibited. Some ways to change your speaking habit patterns are also suggested in this introduction. When you see someone doing something that you may think is wrong, see it as a secret that you share with God or with yourself or the universe, etc. It is your job to keep this secret. Certainly, you may choose to speak to the person about the wrong, but only if your doing so is completely without malicious intent. We must always strive in all our speaking to keep peace ever before us. “Peace is the container in which all other blessings are held” (xliv). We should use our words for only one reason and that is to bring a blessing – a blessing to ourselves to others and to the universe. “Simply by becoming aware of the words and tone of voice one uses, by tuning into the needs of the people to whom one speaks, a person can generate immeasurable good into this world” (xlv). Now begins the actual writings of the Chofetz Chaim, the Sefer Shmiras Haloshon. Speech defines man. “It is the power of speech which defines man’s essence and distinguishes him from other creatures” (53). Defining and changing our speech habit patterns may seem like an impossible task, but that should not prevent us from trying. As Chaim points out, “Imagine a person walking along the seashore, who sees that the sea has washed ashore precious gems. Would such a person – even if he where wealthy – refrain from picking up any gems because he knows it will be impossible to gather them all” (61). As with anything it takes exercise. Habits can be broken with persistence. The trick is to do as much as you can and always strive to do better. If you fail in your effort this morning be ready to try again this afternoon. And if you fail in the afternoon be ready to try again tomorrow. One of the main verses used by the Chofetz Chaim is from Psalm 34, “Which man desires life, who loves days of seeing good? Guard your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. Turn from evil and do good, seek peace and pursue it.” A Jew is required to fulfill six hundred and thirteen laws or commandments. The importance of speaking in a positive manner is so great that Chaim says, “ One who zealously refrains from speaking loshon hora will, through such self- discipline, come to fulfill all his obligations towards his fellow” (69). The opposite is also true. By speaking loshon hora it is as if for each instance we have transgressed all six hundred and thirteen laws. For the non-religious, the benefits while not related to sin are related to our health and well being. Speaking ill of another often leads us to anger, frustration, stress, illness, disease, and death. Our speech is what gives us the power to be creators and as such to be a part of the divine, but if we use this power to destroy then we are dropped below the level of dumb [mute] animals. “If he uses this power wickedly, then all other creatures, who cannot speak and cause the destructiveness that only words can cause, are actually superior to him” (81). To speak negatively can bring consequences on three people, the speaker, subject and listener and banishes any hope of joy or peace or the presence of God. “Regarding the gossiper does Hashem [God] say: ‘He and I cannot dwell together in this world’ (Arachin 15b)” (89). Additionally, to reinforce the issue, listed in Proverbs among the six things hated by Hashem “and the seventh despised by Him. Haughty eyes, , a tongue of falsehood…and one who incites quarrels among brothers” (89). The bottom line here is that when we use our words for any reason but peace, we create the kind of world that most of us would agree exists now. To change our world is as simple and as difficult as changing our speech. And as I pointed out earlier, if we take small steps we can get it done. The first step, or at least the best step, is to begin with ourselves since so much of our destructive speech is related to our own feelings of lack and inadequacy. I think it is safe to say that the person whose speech is constantly negative and destructive is also the person who feels the most insecure and unfulfilled. If we each began to say positive things about ourself every day, I believe we would see dramatic changes in our speech habits. It is a process of becoming. We should see ourselves as craftsmen, our tool is the word, and our buildings are heaven and earth and us as the I Am. As Isaiah the prophet wrote, “I have placed my words in your mouth…to implant the heavens and set a base for the earth” (51:16). Chofetz Chaim likens loshon hora to damaged tools that can be repaired. He later makes a similar analogy pointing out that in business, “one does not cease from pondering ways by which to improve his enterprises and increase his profits. He is careful to remove any possible impediment to success” (105). All of this to amass a substance that time and again has been proven to be a poor substitute for happiness. What the Chofetz Chaim tries to show is that the rewards are far greater learning to use positive speech. Again he is speaking about spiritual rewards which for the believer are very great. For those who would rather have reasons based on this life and this time there is still the issue of happiness. There is far too much proof in the power of positive speaking and thinking from Norman Vincent Peale to Deepak Chopra to Wayne Dyer to dispute the benefits to this life. You don’t have to spend thousands of dollars to go to their seminars. I can give you their secret for free. “Which man desires life…” as David pointed out earlier, the answer is guarding our tongue. This not only brings us happiness but peace. “Through Shmiras Ha loshon one is blessed with the precious quality of peace” (111). Peace or shalom is one of the names of God, and we are instructed in the Talmud that we should greet everyone with Shalom. There seems to be several reasons for this which can easily be applied to the concepts we have already spoken of. As a name of God, when we greet one another with Shalom, we are acknowledging the Divine spark in all of us. We are also using the power of this creative word to create a world of shalom. Contained within this powerful word is the mantra used by the Buddhists to bring peace to the meditator. This is the “peace that passes understanding,” as well as the light formed at the creation of the world. The Talmud clearly states this in the section Sefer Maalos HaMiddos: After creating heaven and earth, God’s next task was the creation of light (Genesis 1:3), and light represents peace, as it is written, “Who forms light and creates darkness, makes peace and creates evil” (Isaiah 45:7) (119). King David said “Seek peace and pursue it” (Psalm 34:15). The Rabbis have interpreted this to mean seek peace for yourself and pursue it for others. At all costs we should seek out this shalom for others. The story is told of Shlomo Carlebach, one of the great Rabbis, kabbalist, singer-storytellers of this century, that he would go out of his way to greet street people with shalom and do what he could to help him. He would often be late to meetings and concerts because he had stopped to talk to those types that we generally try to avoid as they stand on street medians with their signs asking for help. The ancient Greeks had a belief as did many middle eastern countries that made hospitality a part of their culture. They believed that the gods or angels disguise themselves as beggars to test their people. Entertaining a god in your home could bring great blessings, while refusing one could bring great curses. Kabbalists today still believe that angels, Elijah, or a Lamed-Vav-Nudnik could be the beggar you walk past today. The last group I mentioned is named for the number 36. It is believed that in every generation there are 36 righteous souls who keep the world from being destroyed. These can represent themselves as anyone, and often they appear to us as the most dirty and ragged and disgusting person we could imagine. If we could truly grasp the purpose of this type of belief, we would soon find ourselves in a world of shalom. I know it is hard to accept that we should invite beggars into our home, and I certainly haven’t progressed to that level, although it is my goal, but again, we must gather whatever gems we can. There is one other road to peace that involves words and this is told through a story in the Talmud that Chofetz Chaim quotes. In essence a Rabbi who is often visited by the prophet Elijah is in the marketplace one day and he asks the prophet if anyone there is destined for the World To Come? Elijah points out two and the Rabbi goes over to them and asks them what they do. “We are comedians and we go to cheer up those who are depressed. Additionally, whenever we see two people in a quarrel, we strive hard to make peace between them” (125). We see from this that humor as well as peacemaking is a noble use of the creative power of speech. Again we have read, I’m sure, many accounts that seem to prove unquestioningly that humor has the power to heal, just one of the many great benefits to using the power of words positively. Having spent time on the positive side of creative speech, Chaim now takes us to the dark side. He proves through many texts that slander and the disease of leprosy are related using his text proofs to also demonstrate that just as words can bring physical healings, words can also bring on sickness and dis ease, as well as poverty. One point to make here is that the Kabbalah does not view these maladies as punishment so mush as teachers in the great Karmic cycle. Chaim explains, “The sufferings of poverty takes the place of sickness, for by being dependent upon others for survival, the poor man becomes rid of any arrogance – a prime cause of loshon hora” (135). The next area to be discussed is the responsibilities of the listener. Earlier we said that three people were contaminated with this dis ease of loshon hora, the speaker, the subject, and the listener. Up to know we have concentrated on the blessings and curses to the speaker. The subject has very little responsibility in this matter, except to try to not let the words of others hold power over him/her. The listener, however, is another story. There is a great deal of responsibility resting on these shoulders. The best course is to steer the course of conversation away from gossip should it come up. Here is the hard part. It is also forbidden, and rightly so, to embarrass another, so rebuking them in a crowd is generally not acceptable. You can try to get the speaker alone and gently remind the speaker that talking in that way is not good. You also have the choice to walk away. If you are in a situation where you can exercise neither option then you must strive to do something very difficult and that is to believe whatever you hear to be totally false and look upon the person who told it as not to be trusted. The only exception would be if you are given information which could protect you from harm, you must use it, but as discreetly as possible, while still believing that it is not true. The other question to ask yourself in that situation is whether the speaker had anything, no matter how minor, to gain by telling you. Accomplices to a crime are just as guilty as the perpetrator and just as punishable. So those who listen to loshon hora receive the same fate. The Talmud explains, “Scripture punishes one who joins transgressors like the transgressors themselves” (181). We are warned many times not to sit in the company of gossipers and scoffers. One of the keys here is not to loiter in groups. I can’t count the number of times when I have lingered at churches or synagogues or sporting events, or parties, etc., and been caught up in gossip or off color conversation of some type. There is a delicate balance that we must find over time between rudeness and caution in these situations. Often it is because of our ego that we remain in those groups. This is one of the two great roads to loshon hora. The two great roads to loshon hora are “anger and a desire to triumph” (189). These are the wide roads that lead to destruction and destroy our world of peace. This is just common sense. Anger is a cancer, literally and figuratively. It does far more damage to its owner in most cases than to its recipient. And ego that must put others down to be lifted up is the sign of a sick mind as well as body. This perceived self-importance is generally seen as foolishness to the observer. At its worst this ego can lead us to idol worship as we set ourselves over another which as we have already seen is setting ourselves over God who we should see in every human being. Taking up once again the theme of the craftsman, Chofetz Chaim gives us another tool to work with – the tool of silence. “To become skilled in a given craft requires a period of training and experience. So it is with the art of silence. The ability to restrain oneself from speaking when the situation warrants silence is, indeed, precious” (219). This does not mean that we should take a vow of silence. Removal from the world is no more the answer for us then it would be for the trained professional to be so afraid of making a mistake that he or she decides not to work in the field at all. There is no potential for growth, and if you are not growing, you’re dying. The opposite extreme to silence is the need to talk. At various times in our life we feel a need to speak freely. as much as possible during these times, we must try not to speak of others. This prohibition does not just apply to criticism of others, but to praise as well, which I found fascinating. With regard to praises, Chaim again quotes Talmud as saying, “One should never speak the praises of his fellow [excessively], for praise will inevitably lead to criticism” (231). I have definitely seen this one in practice. Someone will begin saying glowing things about someone, and before long at least one other person has a “yeah, but” comment. Once again we are told that we must judge others favorably. Always find a good reason for our fellow to have done something that seems suspicious. A classic illustration of this is quoted: A man from Israel’s Upper Galilee hired himself out for three years to someone living in the southern portion of the land. At the end of the three years, the worker requested his wages so that he could return home and feed his family. His employer responded, “I have no money.” “Then pay me with fruit,” said the worker. “I have none,” came the reply. “I have none.” Pay me with livestock.” “I have none.” “Pay me with pillows and blankets.” “I have none.” The worker slung his pack over his shoulders and headed home bitterly disappointed. A short time later, the employer appeared at his worker’s door, with money in hand, along with three donkeys, bearing food, drink and delicacies. The food was brought inside and all enjoyed a hearty meal inside. Afterwards the employer paid the worker in full. The employer then asked, “When you asked for your earnings and I replied I had no money, what did you think?” “I thought that perhaps a deal came along that you could not pass up, and you used all your money for that.” “And when I said I had no land?” “I thought that perhaps all your land had been leased to others.” “And when I said that I had no fruit?” “I thought that perhaps your fruits had not yet been tithed.” “And when I said I had no pillows or blankets?” “I thought that perhaps you had dedicated all your possessions to the Temple.” The employer exclaimed, “I make an oath that that is exactly what happened!…Just as you judged me favorably, so too should the Omnipresent judge you favorably” (243). Admittedly, this kind of faith in our fellow is hard to come by, and the story says early on that the worker was “bitterly disappointed.” We are not required to eliminate all our emotions, only to temper them when it comes to judging others. There’ s another story that indicates why we should care for one another. This is the story of the passenger on a boat who decides to drill a hole in the boat under his seat. The others pleaded with him to stop, but his reply was, “What should you care, I am only drilling under my own seat.” We are all in the same boat. We are made of the same substance, and there have been scientific studies lately which seem to indicate that the very molecules of our makeup can think and react individually, and not only that, but they can communicate with other molecules not part of their same groupings. One such study is the book by Dr. Candace Pert entitled Molecules Of Emotion. We therefore should matter to one another, if for no other reason then the angry thoughts of another towards you, could affect you physically and emotionally. We are the authors of our own lives, and we can determine whether we have a happy or tragic life. There is no one else to blame. It is not our environment, since two brothers can be raised in the same house and one be a priest while the other becomes a killer. It is not in our stars since there are certainly successful people in all the signs. Rather, it is in ourselves – in our speech. We can choose to bear our insults and torments in silence recognizing that every person, every action that affects us is there to teach us something, or we can respond with anger and bitterness and prolong this cycle of pain that dis eases our world. It is of the people who choose the prior way that the Chofetz Chaim says, “They shall merit great reward” (275). Why is it we are often willing to suffer physical pain to save our material possessions, as some might when their house catches fire, but are unwilling to allow their ego to be pained to save their spiritual possessions. We must realize that what others do to us do not affect what is ours. One illustration of this is the story of Laban and Jacob. Laban many times tried to cheat Jacob of his wages, but ultimately Jacob got what was his, in the most miraculous case, by mentally affecting what color livestock would be born. Such is the creative power which we all possess. Chofetz Chaim now discusses some of the root causes of loshon hora. They are: scoffing, arrogance despair, ignorance of the Law and negativity. Of despair, it is said that we often give up because we think we could never live our lives like that. Again we are creating our own world. I’m certain many people who have accomplished miraculous things, initially had moments of doubt where they thought that his couldn’t be done, but little by little, they did it. Chaim says, “It is a known axiom of Jewish belief that Hashem does not make excessive demands on us” (323). We are now given some final rules. We are told essentially, “When in doubt leave it out. “Generally speaking, unless one is certain that a given statement is not in the category of forbidden speech, he should not utter it” (339). We also hear a rule that many are familiar with because of a phrase that was used by Jesus, “Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.” It is made very clear that even if you attack another who deserves it, yet you are guilty of the same or similar sins, then you “will be subject to Divine retribution as if he had acted or spoken against an innocent man” (343). We also must not gloat over another’ s misfortune, even if it may be deserved. There is a story that God wept when he destroyed the Egyptians at the Red Sea. Finally, we must realize that the coming of the Messiah or an age of peace to our world is totally and completely wrapped up in our ability to control our tongue. “The coming of mashiach is literally in our hands, for Zohar Chadash [Kabbalah] states that a single congregation can merit to bring about the final redemption by internalizing the quality of peace in the desired way” (393). We don’t have to change the world. A congregation can consist of as few as ten people. If we can join ourselves to ten other people who can practice and live their lives completely free of loshon hora, we can bring about world peace. I believe that is our mission in these days. Best of Luck! |
|
